I know you won’t accept me, but I’m gay. I never thought that a Christian could be gay, but it happened to me. You two are perfectly happy laughing at gay jokes or hanging out with gays, but when it comes to love, both of you cringe. A gay kiss on TV, and both of you turn away in disgust. A scene in The Birdcage, where a feminine gay man tries to act like a macho man, and both of you are laughing until your sides hurt.
You both say that gays should control their emotions. I know for a fact that is impossible. If you really love someone, you want to be with them at all times. I don’t want to live alone. I don’t want to come home to a pet or two and not have someone in my life just because it’s not a woman. You will probably quote Bible passages at me, saying why I shouldn’t get a boyfriend. But I can’t do that. I can’t ignore my feelings and live alone.
Sis, you found out about my first crush on a guy and flipped out. You tried to talk me out of it, saying that I couldn’t like a guy like that. But I did. You said you want to be in my wedding, but you don’t know there will be another man on the other side. If you find out, you probably won’t want to talk to me again. And if you do talk, it will probably be about breaking up with my boyfriend and living alone.
I’ve told a few of my friends. Every single one of them was accepting and supporting. They all love me for who I am. When it all started, they were there for me. They wanted to help see me through my rough time. I knew that you wouldn’t see my perspective. All you would be able to see was your only son, loving another guy. You would get hung up on how wrong it seems. To me, I was in heaven. Just being with them made me happy. I wanted to hold them and never let them go.
Twice I had strong feelings for guys. Something more powerful than I had felt for any girl I liked. Even my only girlfriend. Sure, we were together, but we broke up. I never got the urge to call her, text her, or see her. The two guys? I wanted and needed to be with them. Neither of them felt the same. It drove me to tears when I finally realized I couldn’t be with them.
You remember my crush on the popular girl? Remember I told her? We never made plans, but I didn’t feel sad. It just faded. Even my girlfriend, the feelings had started to fade over time. Both of my crushes on guys lasted three months each. Something I never expected.
This is me in the closet from all three of you. You won’t react well if this letter makes it to you, but I hope that when you do find out, you will accept and love me. I’m getting more comfortable every day. I didn’t choose this. I never chose to love a guy. It just happened. Try to see me as your son. Try to see me as your pride and joy. The closet door is locked. Please give me a chance to open it.
The only gay in the family